Relationships guides and childhood memories influence? Trauma forces us into survival mode, a suspended state of animation that monopolizes and uses up all our energy. When you’re in survival mode it’s hard — if not impossible — to get close to people. Experiencing trauma before the age of 10 makes you prone to isolating yourself and cutting of the relationships that give you the love you so desperately need. Nothing melts shame faster than allowing the full weight of your heart to be seen by another person.You can counteract this behavioral coping mechanism by allowing yourself to be vulnerable and loving with others. Find a small handful of friends (or a lover) and double down on your connection with them.
Philautia is a healthy form of love where you recognize your self-worth and don’t ignore your personal needs. Self-love begins with acknowledging your responsibility for your well-being. It’s challenging to exemplify the outbound types of love because you can’t offer what you don’t have. Your soul allows you to reflect on your necessary needs and physical, emotional and mental health. Agape is the highest level of love to offer. It’s given without any expectations of receiving anything in return. Offering Agape is a decision to spread love in any circumstances — including destructive situations. Agape is not a physical act, it’s a feeling, but acts of self-love can elicit Agape since self-monitoring leads to results. Your spirit creates purpose bigger than yourself. It motivates you to pass kindness on to others.
Parents who speak with their children and explain why, for example, you say thank you when someone is kind, or why you should not hit siblings when they don’t give you their toys, are helping to raise a child who thrives in social situations. Dinner time provides a great opportunity for conversation, and it can be a time to talk to your child about your values, his or her emotions, and interactions during that day.
Whether you want to believe it or not, your childhood has a big impact on the way you see the world. One influence that it has particularly is in regards to how you interact in your adult relationships. This video discusses specifically romantic relationships – which it refers to as love styles. Love styles are defined here as our tendencies and inclinations of how we respond to our romantic partners. Do any of these childhoods trigger something in you? Watch the video to learn about how each of these types of childhoods can affect your adult romantic relationships. See more information at where abandonment issues come from.
Children who experience traumatic incidents may develop dysfunctional attachment styles. Developing healthy attachments requires feelings of security and safety. Avoidant attachment occurs when a child does not receive the benefit of a secure attachment, and become self- sufficient, and independent. Once they have reached adulthood, they continue to self-rely and do not attach themselves to others easily. Ambivalent attachment occurs when you experience a mix of neglect and attention. This can be confusing to a child’s development. Once they reach adulthood they tend to experience anxiety in relationships and require a lot of soothing and attention. These are just two of multiple dysfunctional attachment styles that may arise from childhood trauma. So how do we cope with trauma so we may learn from our past experiences?